Ramblings and tramblings (not a word)

Yeah! Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs kick ass. Anyway, I’m in a very strange mood right now. I went down to my local shop (Bonjour! (the name of the shop)) and got some Dairy Milk and a can of Relentless. Now, I don’t usually drink caffeine for no reason other than that I can’t stand the taste of coffee. To me, coffee tastes like blended skunk and mud that has been mixed together in Bigfoot’s arse with the shit spoon. That isn’t to say that I think people who drink coffee are shit munchers, I’m just…actually, yes I am. I can’t stand coffee and I can’t stand people that drink it. You go into a café and there are so many different names for the aforementioned shit drink that you don’t actually know which variety to go for. “Hmm, shall I have cream on my shit drink or shall I have it whipped?” Who gives a fuck.

Anyway, back to the vein of this rant. I drank a can of Relentless which has obscene amounts of caffeine in that it could make any of you shit drinking 9 to 5ers go on a killing spree on the Underground. Normally, I would describe myself as being calm and pleasant with the occassional expletive and the almost undercurrent feeling that I need to kill everyone who walks slowly or plays tinny music out of their phone they have probably stolen. Well, with the addition of caffeine into my bloodstream, I have unleashed my ADHD compulsions to the very forefront of my mind. I want to go outside and play Badminton all day. Maybe all night. I want to play Badminton and drink Coca Cola out of all of Godzilla’s orrephuses with straws made out of monkey’s throats. Sure, that may be a grim image, but it is one that you, no doubt, would be inclined to settle for.

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~ by robertftaylor on May 11, 2008.

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